Selfish or Celebration?
A: I've looked at grief as selfishness. My brother sees it more as honoring how good the person was.
- I've generally looked at grief as selfishness - The people we are grieving have passed; they are at peace (finally). So crying about the dead and just us whining about that WE don't have them any more (WE miss them, WE want them). WE is all about ME. Why can't I have, hold, share with my wife? So I've used that to beat those feeling down with "stop being a selfish prick! Suck it up, and get over it". But the beast of losing a spouse is a lot bigger than my other losses (parents, friends, pets, or just a character you liked in the movies). This person isn't just the cat you stroked while watching TV.... but the person you spent more time and intimacy with than all the others in the world.
- My brother gave me his view. That grief isn't just selfishness, it's the body and souls need to express how much someone meant to you. That means that the better the person, the worse the grief? Well I'm fucked. Everyone that knows Melissa was touched by her and knew what a kind and special person she was. If my brother is right, it at least takes away the narcisstic guilt at being weepy -- but now I get the burden of expressing how bad it is at having lost such a wonderful person. And I don't know if that's any better.
Tags: Grief Lessons