Online Dating
From iGeek
The basics of online dating.
~ Aristotle Sabouni
Created: 2023-05-13 |
Basics
- Rule #1 Online Dating is not real. It's how you meet people and get to a real date. Once you have a real date, the rules change to real dating and not online dating. I know that's counter-intuitive -- but it's just how it works. Just like on-line arguments on Social Media or websites have zero vested interest in the person on the other end of the keyboard, you have to know that others do that on on-line dating, and you kinda need to do that back. You're an avatar, potential creeper, and until you can get to a meetup, all the texting and stuff is just romance fantasy, with almost no vested interest.
- Rule #2 It's a numbers game, and it's not personal. You want the picture and bio to matter, but they don't. Both might be doctored or lies, they might be scams, stale, a girl seeking validation through the attention of others (with no real intentions of dating), and so on. Women are flakey, and look for stupid reasons to exclude someone; a typo, minor flaw, etc. The prettier they are, the more hits and attention they're getting, so they are finding excuses to narrow the pool. If you crush on the pretty picture, and 95% are going to not respond, find a reason to filter, or just go on another date first and lose interest, you're going to get nowehere, and hate the experience. If you recognize that they're going that, and your goal is not the 19 failures but the 1 meetup with potential, then it's a good thing.
Experiences
Honesty
Look, I come from the school of honesty is the best policy. Not everyone does. So when I was first dipping my toe in meeting others (more for friendship and to understand what my new life might look like), my wife's ashes were still smoldering. A few women asked, "how recent" -- and some were appalled based on their ignorant bigotries about grief or my situation -- but you're not going to win an argument with the voices or biases in someone's head. You can't take it personal, these are their issues, not mine. But this resulted in a few women just cutting off conversations; they found what they were looking for (a reason to exclude me), and so they excluded me. Almost as bad were the women that didn't ask -- their focus on their goals might have meant they didn't care about others, and based on meetups with them, they were a little too self-absorbed to be good long term prospects. I get that dating is about making the Woman feel special... but if there's no reciprocation, then these aren't good LTR/Wife material.
| Note: If I present my points insensitively/callously and so on, then that's my communications problem. So I don't think everything is always the other person's fault. But I'm pretty good at communications, and Women can be pretty judgy. So my objective after-action report is that this was more on them than me so nothing to improve on my part, get over it, and move on. |
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Tags: Issues
