Day 35

From iGeek
< Grief
GriefDay 35
I did the Brave Widow podcast, cleaning up and prepping for the weekend/memorial. And am going to do a video.
I did the Brave Widow podcast, cleaning up and prepping for the weekend/memorial. And am going to do a video.
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Created: 2023-04-26 

Just the Ten of Us -

Brave Widow
I did a Brave Widow VLOG/Podcast. She had liked some things I was saying on grieving Widows Forum (the day before stuff) about the bio-mechanics of what's going on and how to cope (treating it like an Anxiety Disorder). And she referenced a book (The Widow's Brain) that talks about it, that implies similar things. (I'd read an article synoposis of the concepts, which had reinforced my ideas before I coalesced them). But it was a nice, pleasant talk, and when she puts the podcast up, I'll link it. I went through a few of her others, and generally liked what she had to say and style. (Good common sense stuff). And we both feel the same... I have no control over my spouses death, but I can try to help others and make something good come out of it.
One of the points I riffed (that I thought was good, but I'd already been processing in the back of my head for a few weeks), is that our society has gotten so cushy, that it's divided us. Everyone used to have to deal with grief during say C.S. Lewis's time or before. You had things like 10-20% Wife mortality in childbirth, or 30% for kids, not to mention more wars/etc. Everyone was used to grief and dealing with the grieving. Now days, we have it so easy, that people don't see it as much, or have their own experiences to draw on. Collectively, it divides society from the grieving, because most people don't know, and don't even know enough people that know, for them to "get it". The mean of society shifted from understanding grief, to not.
  • Cleaning House I've been keeping the house pretty clean -- but still need to do the putting things away, and getting the house more presentable for others staying here. People are going to be coming in for the Memorial. And I'm going to be airport shuttle duty.
  • Speaking or Video? I was going to stand up and speak at the memorial, tell a few anecdotes... but I don't know if I can it past the frog I get in my throat. Also, doing proofing of videos and slides and writing her bio and so on, just left me far more emotionally on edge. (A little more sobby than I've been since week #1 -- but I've been trying to compensate with working out, walking, chores, swimming, massage). A friend suggested just do a video -- and even if I don't use it, I have backup (as well as practice). Love the idea. Will have to do that.

There's still this weird thing where people don't really get bell-curves. That even if the norm is 6-12 months, that doesn't mean there's not perfectly normal outliers that are going to take 6 weeks, or 6 years to process the same experience. And people want to judge where you based on their expectations of where you should be -- despite that not being based on anything but superstition or how long it took others to deal with the same experience.


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02/18 my wife had a 2023_Heart_Attack, and passed away on 03/22/23; the hardest day of my life. Except for the ones after it.

Tags: Grief

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