Day 32

From iGeek
< Grief
GriefDay 32
My future is on hold, while I hold on to the future from my past.
This meme/truism irks me. "My future is on hold while I hold on to the future from my past." It's so true that many grievers are doing this, and it's what we want to do -- it's hard to let go of the future we had. But it's so fucking unhealthy to hang on to that sinking anchor, let it go and swim for the surface.
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Created: 2023-04-22 
Learning the Ropes
It's so true that we want our old future that we won't let it go. And there are so many stuck in that loop. But it's not me. I get it, the past was safe, we were loved, we had fulfillment and routines we loved, and the future has unknown dangers and the loss of security, it's the dark unknown. But you don’t have a choice. You either waste your time (life) wallowing in the lost past, or in the stagnant purgatory of the present, or you just keep going forward into the dark/scary/unknown future. Have faith that there are other places and things to see, other purposes and things to do, other people to love and who will love you.
Seeing people years into the grief cycle and unable to let go of that millstone of their past, or making excuses for not making steps forward just hurts me. I get that people who haven't dealt with grief say the wrong things, like "just get over it", and stuff. They have to learn it themselves. But it's like watching groundhog day, they keep making the same mistakes, and won't learn from them. It's fine to grieve and miss them. It's wrong to wallow in it, and not make progress. Pain, relapses, short term despair? I get. But repeating the same day over and over again, without any change? If it's not working, try something new. Don't stop living because your spouse did. You have the obligation to try to live harder for both of you, not waste your life in remorse or rememberance of what is lost. Even this journal, just shows me that things have changed, just every week, or in the month since she's passed. Like it or not, life happened, and I was forced to change and grow. Experience is what you get, when you didn't get what you wanted. I've gotten more experiences than many. Now onward.


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02/18 my wife had a 2023_Heart_Attack, and passed away on 03/22/23; the hardest day of my life. Except for the ones after it.

Tags: Grief

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