Day 19

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< Grief
GriefDay 19
Finding beauty in the routine. A beautiful sunrise over a deck covered in bird shit.
Finding beauty in the routine. A beautiful sunrise over a deck covered in bird shit.
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Created: 2023-04-10 
  • It's a living
  1. OK. My life is definitely become a new routine, made up of many old routines. Just emptier. But I have a good life even if it's a little more empty without someone to share it with. The lake is beautiful in the morning. The last few days have been MayFly season (they look like mosquitoes but don't bite), and that brings out the starlings, hundreds of birds flying our like a Hitchock film, eating the mayflies. Both have calmed down, and I'm left with serene, nice temps, an overfilled lake (from rain upstream), and a deck covered in little bird shits that I'm going to have to power wash. What a metaphor for life.
  2. Melissa's Aunt Ceci's health took a turn for the worse. Ceci has had COPD and has Oxygen, but like Melissa is stubborn and does things her way. So decided she didn't need it just to go to the bathroom, and kind of blacked out, was too weak/foggy to get up and laid there for hours. During recovery in the Hospital, it appeared she had a heart attack somewhere in there. And approaching 80, the cascading system failures are a big risk. Since this is Mary's Sister (Melissa's Mom), this could be a rougher year for her. I know that once your emotional cup is full, any additions to it, just make it that much worse.
    • Some of our Friends and Family are mad at Melissa for running with her heart, and ignoring her doctors advice (or not taking it seriously enough). I heard "Selfish", or just fear for her health... or people desperately looking for something to blame for the injustice of such a great person dying like that. But we all die, and it's mixed. Even her doctors admitted that the running probably helped her heart remain strong and live as long as she did, even if it was going to eventually kill her. Her stubborn was sometimes a constructive stubborn, sometimes not. (And mixed with conflict avoidance, meant a sometimes "sneaky" Melissa, that was going to do what she wanted). But she defied Doctors her whole life... and definitely got some of that pig-headed determination to ignore others advice from Ceci (who used to watch her, and was sort of Ceci's surrogate daughter, since she couldn't have her own, after losing one).


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02/18 my wife had a 2023_Heart_Attack, and passed away on 03/22/23; the hardest day of my life. Except for the ones after it.

Tags: Grief

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