Watched a movie, and picked up Melissa from the Funeral Home / Crematorium, not necessarily in that order.
Created: 2023-04-03
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- The Long Kiss Goodnight I was normally using 80s TV shows and movies as subtexts for the days. I don't know why; no real reason. This one was a 90's movie with Gina Davis. My friend/neighbor Rich suggested I watch (rewatch) it for dumb escapism. So I did. Good enough to entertain, and kill a couple hours.
- On a grief forum some people were talking about Music and how cathartic it is. I was thinking, almost every break up song on the radio gets me... even happy old ones, “baby come back", and I'm singing with tears. I know they aren’t about that kind of loss, but my heart doesn’t care. “Bye Bye miss American pie", that has nothing to do with losing your wife, and I’m bawling, “my love levy is dry” or “the day the music died”. It doesn’t have to make sense, my ad libbed lyrics seldom do. But it's not always what the artist meant, but how you take it. And while I'm generally pretty good, it's easy to wallow when grieving.
- I started re-homing a few things. Girly lotions and potions that I'm never going to use. Estrovent, Black Cohosh. And throwing away drugs. Slowly doing the move into the big room. It's about the progress, not about the destination.
- I'm finally, almost completely on-top of all the paperwork, and getting people paid off, etc. She did have most things on auto-pay, but I wanted to validate each of the paper bills, and I keep moving things (passwords, apps, websites, etc) from her laptop to mine, or her phone to mine -- but that's going to be a longer process. Next comes reconciling all the bills and entering them into our tracking sheets/logs (which I found) to make taxes next year eassier. This years, I just had an extension filed and will deal with later. (Sigh).
- I picked Melissa up yesterday from the crematorium.
- Libby (Funeral Director) was still nice. Melissa's Urn looked good. (I have to go back for the death certs).
- I got the Titatnium leg-rod and Pacemaker -- I think internal parts creep some other people out (Vickie) as they were inside her body, but to me, they're just parts of my lovely cyborg wife (1 of 1), she would be fascinated by them.
- I was surprised they cremated Melissa back on the 28th, I thought they'd call and tell me. But the extra parts do hint that what I got was her. The cremains are a lot more crystalized than I expected. I was thinking more powder form.
- I think Libby was more used to people crying when they picked them up or held their loved ones. I mentioned that 97% of the person goes up the chimney, so these are just the 3% that don't evaporate. It's symbolically her, even if it's only 3% of her. It's kinda nice to have something to talk to when you're talking to someone. But I'm just not that sentimental towards ashes of our body. Once libby started asking me about Melissa, or I started showing her pictures of our life, that's when the tears start. We had such a good life together, and I so wanted to give her more and have more time. That stings more to me than the fact that these are her ashes, and the rest of her is stardust in the wind.
Melissa on the mantle, with her cyborg parts
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Tags: Grief
