Day 12

From iGeek
< Grief
GriefDay 12
Cleaning, moving rooms, trying a little microbrewery, and dinner with friends/neighbors.
Cleaning and moving rooms is a process (baby steps). Rehoming her things is something she would love. Disposing of some, just hurts. I took a break and tried a little microbrewery (and delicious Dog Stand), and had dinner with friends/neighbors. Life has to go on... but missing her never ends.
ℹ️ Info          
Created: 2023-04-03 
  1. I moved more of my things from my room into Melissa's rooms (toiletries, some clothes), and that means cleaning a few things out. Like all her drugs (except for perscription Nexium, I'll give that to someone as it's so common). Girly lotions and stuff (I'll give those to friends). I don't know what these moisturizers do, but I know I'll never use them, and based on the price, I think they're made from extra virgin Unicorn placenta. (I don't hurt about things being boxed/saved, or going to people she'd want to have them. But throwing things out that make no sense to save but mattered to her, like pills/eyedrops/mouthgaurd; those are the toughest).
  2. I started to clean up her phone, by moving accounts/apps to my phone. Eventually my phone has double SIM cards, so I can move her number to mine, and give her phone away. But not until I'm sure if have everything off of it. That's going to be a long slow process.
  3. I went out to a place that was called BackPew Brewery -- it was an old church converted to a Brewery in Porter. They had great beer (I had one), awesome little HotDog stand called Divine Dogs (that won best Dog award). I had a Tijuana Delux (regular dog with gormet fixins), but they do dogs made with real Venison or Aligotor. I asked if the Vegan Dog was made with real Vegans; the owner liked that. I chatted with her for a while about their business; great story. I was going to go be social and get out of the house (there was some "meet" of Humanists/etc, and I was thinking might be interesting to get some intellectual stimulation), but they were a lot of dog people who knew each others names and my brain went to "Melissa might have enjoyed this" so dropped out of social mode and slinked away. Still, I successfully explored something new, and will go back. So a baby step for the day.
  4. I talked with a few people on the phone (as usual) about Melissa, still informing or going over what happened. So many people loved her. Even people that only know me is sometimes hard, depending on if I'm sticking with the clinical or emotional parts of what happened. And I had dinner with the nieghbors (Bruce and Dawn). Talked about all sort of things (including M). It was nice.
Grief Poem
I jump around on various forums and groups and look at other peopele's greif, try to offer advice, or share, and just try understand. I hacked up a grief poem I found... I didn't like some stanzas/verses, so I reodered and edited it to fit me better.

The tears drying as they fall off your cheek,
Time goes by, another day or week.
Knowing they're in a better place,
while terribly missing their warm embrace.

Wishing to hear their voice one more time,
Seeing their smile in your dreams is sublime,
Until you awake alone with a hole in your heart,
Wishing that you could go back to the start.

The feeling of emptiness, gutted, embellished with pain.
The feeling that your heart will never beat the same.
The feeling that the irrevocable has been done,
The feeling you want to cry, to scream, or to run.

Finding the strength to carry on,
It's love that we have left for the one who's gone.
Grief will never end, although it will change...
Our life goes on, an echo of our beloved, but completely rearranged.


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02/18 my wife had a 2023_Heart_Attack, and passed away on 03/22/23; the hardest day of my life. Except for the ones after it.

Tags: Grief

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